Monday, December 12, 2011

Blowing off cobwebs, and figuring out what I'll do for the rest of my life

Well, it's been a while.

I haven't posted on here for a while, but I have good reason. Well, maybe not good reason, more so laziness and a focus on other topics not relating to said blog.

In this post, I won't talk about sports, like how the Cowboys are struggling to hold a fucking lead, or how the Leafs could find themselves in a huge losing streak if they don't get their shit together...crap, so much for that.

No, this post will be more an update on the last few months of my life, and what the future holds for yours truly. To be perfectly honest, I hope no one reads this -- but then, why would I write it? Do I consider this blog to be a private journal that keeps me sane? Or is it a smoke screened cover as a life blog so I can vent the many post-it notes I find struck in my mind?

In the past, I've written pieces on writing, and the power it can have for the writer, both good and bad. Take this exact moment that I'm writing this: it's 2:40 AM on a school night, I've had three coffees since 7:30 PM, I'm shaking while typing, I'm struggling to finish past-due essays, and yet I felt that this timeslot was the best for me to update this blog that I haven't even glanced at for the past two months. Smart? You be the judge.

A lot has happen to me off in the time since my last article. My football career finished, my grades dropped significantly, I turned 18, I discovered Sons of Anarchy, and "Pumped Up Kicks" by Foster the People became the most played song on my iTunes.

I realized how much the film "Fight Club" rang true for the common male, and how fucked up our society truly is. I supported those involved in the "Occupy" movement, then grew to hate them as time went on. I began to loathe some of the people I followed on Twitter, hating and hating the constant pessimism and snobbery that went along with their timeline.

I went from wanting to become a journalist when I was older, to becoming angry at the idea of journalism, to aiming at being a teacher, to hating teachers, to wanting to become a writer, and eventually sitting at an updated dormant position, figuring out what I'll be for the rest of my life.

I used to want to be a journalist, oh so much. Chris Jones' blog, Sons of Bold Venture, truly inspired the creative side of me, most notably his piece last March on Opening Day in the MLB, and how the average lifespan in Canada is 81 years old, coincidentally, mathematically related to the nine innings that are played in a game of baseball. The post left such an impact on me, that I saw sports and writing in an entirely different light. The daily beat writers giving updates on injuries and rumours, combined with the sarcastic and failure-to-be-witty columnist who write for attention, were exactly what was wrong with journalism. To be skilled and successful, you didn't have to come up with bullshit and try to create more of a following -- you had to know how to tell a story, how to hook a reader, and how to leave that same reader thinking at the end of your article, "Wow, I'm glad I read that...I learned more than what I knew at the beginning, and I'm better off because of it."

But as time went on, the mindless columns of idiots who didn't have a clue in the art of storytelling, continued to sell like hotcakes, and get the attention they wanted. It didn't matter what they were saying what complete crap, they got what they wanted: a view.

Do I still want to go to J-school and become the opposite of what the norm is today for writers of newspapers, websites, and magazines? Of course. But is it worth dedicating my life towards? That remains to be seen.

As it stands right now, I'm working my ass off to improve the grades I currently hold, applying to several Universities, and letting my results determine what I'll be when I'm older.

My father recommends that I become a teacher, which isn't necessarily a bad thing -- it just isn't exactly what I want to do.

I know teachers (and considering I have a few of my current ones on Facebook, I should probably be careful of what I write...ah, fuck it), and I know what their mindset is once they enter this profession: cycle the same crap over and over again...weekends off...safe paycheck and low chance of losing job...summers off...I know the drill. But I don't want to do that for the next 40 years of my life. I don't want to count down the years until I retire. I don't want to salivate at the idea of my big fat pension. I don't want to look forward to Fridays.

I want to get excited to go to work. I want to feel like everyday is Friday. I want to look forward to my job, and wish that I never had to leave. I want to be able to tell people my profession with pride, and smile at the opportunity to explain what I do, and why I love it. Oh, and I want to make six figures.

Is that so much to ask?

Apparently so. I've told a few teachers that I want to get into University, and they respond to that with a "Good for you" smile, combined with a "You're fucking retarded" subtext. I went to my guidance counselor with my top four schools, to which he replied, "There is nothing wrong with College".

And that's where I find myself today. Because, as ball-breaking a statement that is, there is nothing wrong with College. For some, College is a better career path, and can lead to great success. But because of the situation I'm in, where I feel pressure from all corners of my space, voices echoing in each ear, with friends getting early acceptances and direct paths to some of the top Universities in the province, I have to match it. I have to get in. If I don't, I will be a failure in the eyes of my peers, and will be the weak link in the cuffs of friendship and family that hold true.

Is that fair? It doesn't matter. Until I get that acceptance letter in the mail, telling me that I will be attending classes in the fall of 2012 for the University of _______________, then everything leading up to this point is a piece of shit that isn't worth mentioning to those reading.

So for those keeping track, the following has to be done:

  • Get the grades for University
  • Get accepted into University
  • Finish University and acquire a degree
  • Choose a career that leaves me morally and financially satisfied
  • Live out that career, enjoy every minute, retire, and be secure in riches, as well as happiness
Once all that is done, I will finally be at peace.

Finally.

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